stupid rant aka ignore if anyone comes across this blog

Idfk I’m just so upset with my life lately…
I recently started college again which I THOUGHt I was gonna handle great. I was feeling so much better about myself, I thought maybe by going to school I’d feel even better, and get more educated and earn atleast SOME kind of income, but nope. Shit hit the fan and my head was like HAHA FUCK YOU you can’t do a single thing to fix this pain you’re having. So I wait a whole month to go to my neurology appointment and find out the doctor just sidestepped EVERYTHING I SAID, and listened to my moms opinions of how I am doing. He just told me I should take medicine. So no help from that, I also found out I have scoliosis. WOOHOO! No wonder why my back was bruising constantly. It’s painful as hell and I don’t even want to move because my whole left side is screaming at me like I’ve lifted 1,000,000 lb weights or something. So because my head fucking up my mental stability and concentration in school, and the pain of my back has been really hard to deal with, I have decided to withdraw from my classes. I can’t handle the stress it’s putting on me, but I feel like me and EVERYONE else around me thinks I’m a stupid lazy ass hole instead. I hate quitting so gdamn much…and I feel like shit. And on top of that, I feel like no one wants to be around me, and is lying to me. I feel like I’m pushing the one I care about away, and at the same time they are just sticking around because they don’t want to hurt my feelings. I catch myself thinking things like “I can’t make them laugh like others can..” or “They seem happier and more lively around others..so why don’t they just stop lying..” I feel like complete shit thinking these things because I’ve talked about it, And I trust what they tell me, but then I always second guess. I don’t want to ruin what we have…but I feel like I am because all my problems right now. I feel like everyone would just be better off without me. I’m no use to anyone. I can’t drive, or get a job, I can’t even get myself an education. I’m so dead in the water so just leave me behind.